How to Be Happier – Part One: Gratitude.
This is the first in a series of articles I hope to write on how to be happy. Or at least happier. If you’re looking for one of those quick fix kind of articles, where you just stand on your head
The fact you are reading this suggests a number of things. Once upon a time you were looked after well enough to get through the first shaky years of life, and then after that your received a painstaking education that was good enough to enable you to read and write, and to be able to operate a computer (these things don’t just happen, they take years of hard work and resources). Moreoever, whatever technology you happen to be using, be it Iphone, laptop, Ipad, desktop computer or other device, that technology represents millenia of technological development going back to the wheel itself, inventors have sweated, strained, cried and failed to get that technology into your hands. Moreover, the technology you are using will be using components that rely on a very sophisticated distribution system, from processor to plastic to the cardboard carton it comes, in the technology could have come from many different parts of the world, transported by an interdependent network of air, sea and land. In turn, somebody had to build the ships and planes and trucks that carried all those componenents. And there is yet more complicated and interdependent magic at work in terms of how you power that device, when you plug it into a wall socket countless circuits, wires, and grids transport the power from wherever it is generated, right to your device; the internet that carries this page to your device is vast…
And yet, the chances are you only notice any of this when the power cuts out or the internet goes down. Within minutes, you are on the edge of a seething frustration, as this thing that is SUPPOSED TO WORK, suddenly no longer works. If the downtime goes beyond half an hour it can easily seem as if civilisation as we know it is grinding to a halt, and then, at last, there it is, the power light is back on, and “Ahhhhhh, at last” you breathe a sigh of relief, of thanks, and within minutes you are back to taking this utterly magical system for granted once more.
In Victorian times, people flocked to the train stations to try out this mode of transport that superseded the horse and carriage, amazed by the ability to travel by a steam train that might depart once day. Today we complain if a service only runs once every 15 minutes. We live in an age where people want it, and they want it now, and if they don’t get it now, something is terribly wrong with the world.
And so that’s the mindset we need to look at if we want to be happier. In the age of entitlement, it seems that even if 99.9999% of things are going right, we ignore all that and focus on the 0.00001% that isn’t going quite according to how we’d like it. So we don’t notice the 23.5 hours we have that internet and mains power to run our computers, but we sure as hell notice that half hour when it stops working for whatever reason. We barely think about how wonderful it is to have roads, and be able to afford cars, and drive here there and everywhere (and remember the roads don’t just appear, once upon a time people had to build them, they have to be maintained, someone has to lay the tarmac) – but if there happens to be a tailback or jam one afternoon, we suddenly find ourselves cursed with the worse road system on earth, and what the hell are all these people doing getting in our way?! (forgetting, perhaps, that we might equally be getting in someone else’s way).
Of course it’s to do with the way the mind and brain work, our brains evolved to a survive in a world where, say 50,000 years ago, that 0.00001% could be the difference between life and death, and usually was. Didn’t have just the right animal skin? Freeze to death. Not happy about that ticking noise you could hear? Could well be a snake or scorpion lurking. That person looking at me in an unfriendly way? Well back then, they may well have been intent on caving your head in for that animal skin, so your attempts to concentrate on every detail of fortifying your cave were pretty well justified.
But now, we sit in safe houses, with heating, electricity, toasters, and microwaves, fridges, freezers, cupboards full of food. But is it enough? Maybe if I had that Ipad I saw advertised, I would be happier, right?! But then suddenly we get the Ipad and the internet goes down so we can’t access this wonderful self help blog. Maybe we need to invest in a backup internet solution so we never have to be without a connection, even for 5 minutes?!
Of course a lot of this is tongue in cheek, but there is a truth in it, and that is that we tend to focus on what we haven’t got, not what we have. Yet it seems commonsense to conclude that if we spend most of our waking hours thinking about the 0.00001% that’s wrong, if we spend our time angry about the things that go wrong, that don’t work as we want, when we want, if we spend a disproportionate amount of time complaining about the bad rather than celebrating the good, we’re going to be out of balance.
This is where gratitude comes in. There is scientific research which bears out the theory that spending more time focusing on the things we are grateful for can actually lead to a sense of well being and satisfaction. It makes sense, because as much as our brains evolved to survive in a hostile environment, they can also be trained to thrive in today’s very different environments. Advertisers know tha brain can be trained, but what they do is feed our insecurities by telling us that we never enough, until we buy their products. But there are ways to train the mind to be more grateful, and this can lead to greater happiness.
The research says that focusing on the positive can increase our sense of well being and happiness. It won’t turn you into a beaming Buddha overnight, but little steps can go a long way.
Why not try starting a gratitude journal? You could write 3 things in it each day that you are grateful for, more if you so wish! Perhaps you are grateful for having enough food to eat today, a roof over your head, for your friends, for family, for experiences you have had, maybe just for the sheer fact of being alive in an age that is relatively safe and we have good healthcare, dentistry, and communications.
You could try this with a friend, and be “gratitude buddies” – sharing something each day that you are grateful for, you could turn this into a bit of fun, and find fun things to text or email each other that you are grateful for.
It all comes down to spending a little more time counting blessings rather than burdens. Of course life isn’t great all the time, but the amount of time we spend on problems usually far outweighs time spent focusing on the positives in our lives. It needn’t take long, just 5 minutes a day, a sort of gratitude space, could be a great start.
It could even give you something to do next time the wireless internet connection drops, instead of swearing at the screen 